so this is my last post. 
i have way to much on the go to keep up with this blog.
i find no enjoyment in it anymore.
but, i'm gonna leave it up so you guys can still read old post and stuff.

this helped me through hard times.
i hope it still helps you all.

thanks for subbing!
-canileavenowplease.  

i am not going to tell you it is going to be easy
i am going to tell you it’ll be worth it.

I've decided we should all get a "do-over" in life. Just one chance to change one minute of time in the past. If the series of events of our lives continually hinge on one another, each decision or action being a new turn in an infinite maze of possibilities but with no rewind, then I think we should all get a do-over.

you'll never be lonely ever again.

-

“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”

those who criticize our generation forget to realize who raised it.

Don't edit yourself. I don't want the half version, the kind you use to make parents adore you. I want you. I want the flaws, the stuttering, the cursing, and the clumsiness. I want it all. I want your bloopers and laughs. I want the awkward...everything. I want your goofy. I want your anger. I want to fight with you. And you to piss me off. I want to frustrate you. Won't you let me? Will you let me in and show me how you operate?

Safety pins holding up the things that make you mine. About your hair, you needn't care. You look beautiful all the time. 

I want everyone right now to think of the little things that have happened to them in the past week. More specifically, the people who have made you feel good for doing the simplest thing. Whether it be they were a good listener, someone who was there to relate, or even the people who complimented you that one day, and said your shirt was pretty, or that you had a nice smile. One little detail like that can change a life. We all go through difficult times, and keep moving on. And there’s a time in everyone’s life where they feel alone. Some may even feel that life isn’t worth all that they’re going through. In these times, we think about the good things we have. And when we realize there isn’t many, we think about the people that made us feel good. The people with heart. The ones who helped us out, and went out of their way to do something nice, for us. The worthless people we think we are. How could someone be so considerate? And why? You may not realize it now, but the small things count. And in a time when you feel completely alone, there is always someone who cares. Even if they don‘t even know who you are. I care so much for people I don’t even know. I want to help anyone who feels as if they’re not enough. Let me change your life, cause I promise I’ll try. I love every person who has ever said something nice in my favor. They don’t know it but they saved my life. No one deserves to feel like they’re not good enough. No one deserves to feel like they’re not loved. I want you all to remember that these little things our lives are what matter most. You might not remember who these people are, but you will remember how the things they did changed your life. Maybe even saved it.

i wonder if anyone thinks of me when they can't fall asleep at night.

I never want to lose you. You don’t understand how important you are to me. You’re my best friend, my whole life. You, you’re the reason I wake up with a smile on my face, the reason why I started singing in the shower again. And I don’t just throw around words like that. I think I’m in love with you. Completely and irrationally. For me to say something like that is very rare; love doesn’t usually come this easily for me. You must be someone very rare. Don’t go, don’t leave now.

i don't know what i'm feeling.

do you know you're beautiful just the way you are?

I can’t help it if I’m happy. I can’t help it if I’m happy not to be sad because when you walk in the room, I see things that I can’t understand like I want you endlessly.

note: 

sorry it takes so long for me to update lately. 
anddddddd, thanks to all those who wrote back on my message about abortion :D
really helped, it gave me lots of ideas.

anyways, sub and comment please! 

lollipops turn into cigarettes. the innocent ones turn into sluts. homework goes in the trash. mobile phones are being used in class. detention becomes suspension. soda becomes vodka. bikes become cars. kisses turn into sex. remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? when protection meant wearing a helmet? when the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? dads shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? your worst enemies were your siblings. race issues were about who ran the fastest. war was only a card game. and the only drug you knew was cough medicine. when wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. the most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow. and we couldn’t wait to grow up.

you won't see tears shed from these eyes, not over you.
i wasn't worth your time? you aren't worth the breakdown.

-

"no, I am not ok. i am exhausted. life is exhausting. loving people is exhausting. and thinking you've lost someone you love? well, that's the most exhausting thing of all."

"i hope your day is ok. there's always tomorrow if it isn't. or yesterday. but maybe yesterday wasn't so great either. i'm sorry."

-

everybody is always so fucking fine. but we are not. sometimes, we are hurt and bruised and nearly completely shattered and this, sir, is not what one calls fine.

-

i know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings but it will always heal, even if you don't want it to, it keeps going.

but we need to remember that life is beautiful. look outside the box. tear your eyes away, if only for a moment, from the destruction and pain. imagine your life being beautiful. tell yourself it can happen one day.

-

according to greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces.
fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their living in search of their other halves.

you are simply a liar, an animal who butts and steals
until you become a bigger creature's meal.

-

i really enjoy spending time with you, even if we’re just going to be sitting around and talking about nothing. there are a million things i love about you, like your nose or the way you smile, the way you look me in the eye, too. and i just get the greatest feeling when i make you laugh. i feel as if my company makes you happy, and that’s what i wish for you. for you to be happy. and when i see you laugh at my clumsy ways, it just makes me want to spend the rest of my life with you so i can see a smile on your face.

-

what you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful.

-

"it's just that...i just think that some things are meant to be broken. imperfect. chaotic. it's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? there have to be a few holes in the road. it's how life is."

when i was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. but there's one thing he said that was pure genius... he said, if you're ever with a girl that's too good for you, marry her.

-

"i don't understand makeup, gloria - why wear it at all? isn't it dishonest?"
"my dear, the reason we wear makeup is to prevent the world from seeing what we're like underneath"
"what's wrong with that?"
"what's wrong with that?" gloria was in the midst of swishing about a small sand dune of face powder in a cerise lacquered box. "my dear, if you allow you're feelings to be exposed, people will hurt you with them. they will use you're feelings against you. something precious will be damaged. you will experience pain."
brittany looked somber.
"now, may i put some powder on your forehead?" gloria asked.
"yes."

-

you know it saves me to think even for a little while i owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on.

and one day i hope you look back at what we had, and regret every single thing you did to let it end.

-

it's no surprise to me that i am my own worst enemy because every now and then i kick the living shit out of me.



i've seen the future and the future's nothing new, just another day to miss the things we used to do.

-

no one is free. even the birds are chained to the sky.

-

it's crazy, right? to love someone who's hurt you? it's crazier to think that someone who hurts you loves you.

-

Grief? I'll tell you about grief and a pain so bad, you think you will die from it. So horrible, you didn't imagine it could exist. Pain that hurts without any visible wound. But it lashes you to bed, it won't let you move. It reduces your imagination to an endless series of replaying images.

i'm tired of looking for an answer, but being patient is a lesson that i never learned, i know we are headed for disaster, i've seen the ending of this story and it gets worse.

-

maybe God put a few bad people in your life, so
when the right one came along you'd be thankful.

-

I guess what makes me different from most girls is that I'm not the type to squeal all over you and I don't ask for your attention at all times. I know what I want and I know how to get it but I don't hurt people along the way. I can be a bitch but I'm also a weird, obnoxious loser, but hey, that's the truth in me. I guess you can say I'm complicated, but I'd rather be difficult than easy any day. I can be hard to figure out at times but if you know me, I'm not that much of a confusing person. So why don't you actually open up your heart instead of just your eyes and take a look at me, then tell me that you love me.

-

you can only change once you've faced all the mistakes you've made.

-

we are not the same people we once were.

-

And there you were, once again. With your bright faked smile and there were your stupid sweet words. You said them like you meant them, but I can see the truth in your eyes. You were wrong all along, you never liked me at all.

-

While art might be the melody society humans to itself, artists are the bass notes. You only notice them when they're gone.

I'm looking at you and you're looking at me and I really hope you've got a fantastic view because I find you to be the most lovely thing.

-

There was a sky somewhere above the tops of the buildings, with stars and a moon and all the things there are in a sky, but they were content to think of the distance

-

But you can't shut everyone out. I mean, you have to have someone to love, someone to hold onto.

note:

i hate myself, i fuck everything over.

i'm desperate to know how you are. i hope you're deep asleep. i've been awake for days, trying to study every inch of your body in this picture, from a distant day, when i could safely say nothing in this world could tear me down in any way. but like a dream, you disappeared.. without a sound, without a trace. sleep well, darling. wherever you are, i hope that you're happy tonight. and maybe you found someone who will love you right.

and if you'd rather stay in at night, i can relate to that. and if it feels like your heart's dried up, i can relate to that. and if you need someone by your side, i am out there.

although it is such a singular word, there are many variations of alone. there is the alone of an empty beach at twilight. there is the alone of an empty hotel room. there is the alone of being caught in a throng of people. there is the alone of missing a particular person. and there is the alone of being with a particular person and realizing you are still alone.

-

every bad situation will have something positive. even a dead clock shows the correct time twice a day.

no one likes silences. maybe it's because when it's quiet,
people are forced to think and they're scared, so they cover it up
by making something out of nothing

i stand outside catching the glint of the fading sun in my eyes. thinking maybe the biting chill in the air will clear my mind. but it doesn't. i watch the leaves scatter as a swift breeze comes by. my fingers are cold and i think about the things that i've held and the things that i've let go. i shove them in my pockets and watch the sun sink lower over the trees. i stare up to the sky watching the stars come out from hiding. the moon is glowing brightly overhead already. i watch the cars pass on the highway. i listen to the sounds of a soft sad song drifting on the breeze. this is home.

-

we're so fucking out of control
so fuck your problems,
raise your drink and just let 'em go
just let go.

"there is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly dissappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. there is another theory which states that this has already happened."

-

the moment he saw her, something inside him knelt down.

we can take this as slow or as fast as you want to, as long as we take it somewhere.

"i have always lived violently, drunk hugely, eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping, worked too hard and too long in glory, or slobbed for a time in utter laziness. i've lifted, pulled, chopped, climbed, made love with joy and taken my hangovers as a consequence, not as a punishment."

my father said some are just more prone to hit rock bottom that others.

two of the hardest tests in life: the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage to accept that you've waited for nothing.

-

your breath catches as you turn away and now i've gotta learn to breathe without you. my heart is a house of empty rooms, for i guess you were only renting.

you hurt me, more than i knew was even physically possible. and you just need to understand that you can't just keep coming back.

note:

tonight i've come close to crying.
and i haven't cried, well really cried, sense me and my ex boyfriend broke up.
and tonight i wanna cry cause i miss him, i miss how it used to be.
i wanna cry cause i like my best friend, and he likes me, and he kissed me, and he wasn't supposed to.
i wanna cry cause i dont' wanna loose him, yet i wanna live in the moment. i wanna kiss him back.
i wanna cry cause i have no one to talk to, i've blocked everyone out.
it makes me wonder, if i died tomorrow how many people would go to my funeral because they actually loved me.
it makes me wonder how many of them actually knew me.
i wanna talk to my most recent best friend, cause he has this ability to look at things differently, but he told me recently he likes me again. and i think if i talk to him i'll make it seem like i want him back.
maybe i do want him back, everything with him was easy, it wasn't serious.
i wanna cry, yet i can't. i don't need to yet. i can't yet.
i want to go for a walk, but its too late and my parents will flip.. i wanna cry.
i won't though.

comment and sub.
thanks for all the feed back on the last post. your comments make me day sometimes guys!